The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize