Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
