We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
