She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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