return my video game
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
