Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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