Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
