i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
