We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
