We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
