I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
