He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
