Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize