marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
my liver is dry heaving
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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