I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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