Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
