Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
