Apparently you make a good broom.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
