im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
