Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
