Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
