Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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