tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
