She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
