i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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