They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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