Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
