I'm gonna have a badass scar
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
