can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
