never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
