what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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