We got so high we made milksteak
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
