id be glad to
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
