this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
