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Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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