So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
