Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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