I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
