i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
