Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
