Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize