She said her name was "party"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
