His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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