I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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