she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
