This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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