Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
