i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
