i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
