I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
