i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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