I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
