I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
