alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
