Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
