So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
