I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
