Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
