it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
