is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
