sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
