yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
