It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
