what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
