Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
