Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
