How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize