I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Banned from zoo.
Again?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
