I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
