you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
