I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize