we made out on top of his cat.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
