Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
