the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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