You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
