Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Nicole vs. Life
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
