checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
