I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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