Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
