I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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