How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
