apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
