She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
