I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize